You should download the latest podcast from goyamen.com. You, yes you. And tell your friends.
We want more people to listen to the shit that Yamen and I like to churn out. And tell us how much it sucks.
http://www.goyamen.com/Podcasts/June17.m3u for the streaming link
http://www.goyamen.com/Podcasts/June17.mp3 for the mp3 download
Be forewarned: we talk for over 50 minutes, so pull up a chair, stay a while and listen.I feel...: podcastish Listening to...: Yamen & Zach |
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Jun. 11th, 2006 @ 11:57 pm
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I haven't read a good book in quite some time. In fact, I haven't read a book in a while. I'm pretty sure that Snowcrash was the last novel I read, except that it's rather easy to slip into a pattern where the only books you read are those of a particular genre; science fiction or fantasy in my case.
I dragged Jason to the library, with the specific intent of applying for a card and picking up a couple of books to satisfy my new-found craving. I've been wanting to read something by either Terrence McKenna or Aldous Huxley as of late, and while the Bellevue Regional Library was short on works by the former, I found plenty of short stories and essays by Huxley; specifically, The Genius and the Goddess and Point Counter Point. I've read Brave New World in the past and enjoyed it immensely, though I don't think I appreciated it quite as much as I would now.
In retrospect, it would've been smarter to spend the evening working on the math homework due this Wednesday, but I absolutely could not put down Genius/Goddess. Thankfully, it was a short read and I managed to finish it within a few hours, despite numerous interruptions. Some might argue that it's too short to really get a good grasp of the intricacies of the characters; but Huxley keeps them few and vivid. I wish I could find a good way to describe the overwhelming amounts of emotion he manages to pour into the story, which ends as quickly as it begins. The whole thing is so cathartic that it's painful, and so raw that it hurts to read and watch as everything unfolds. I highly recommend it, if you're in the mood for something with a lot of substance but very little length. I even laughed out loud on multiple occasions, a rare occurrence for me when it comes to books. The main driving themes behind the story are love (lust), death and the subtleties and inferiorities of the English language. At times it seems like he's all over the place, but he does a fantastic job of keeping everything tied together and bringing it into one cohesive narrative.
Now that I've scared you all off with that nonsensical, shitty drivel, you really should go try and find a copy and give it a read.Listening to...: Modest Mouse - Dramamine |
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Boo
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Jun. 10th, 2006 @ 10:03 pm
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Time for some shameless self-promoting and a plug for Yamen's website.
I just (yesterday) finished my MAT300 project, where we were required to render Bezier curves using a few different algorithms. I threw this together from scratch, using C#. It was my first time using the language, and I was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to make the transition from C++ to C#. I've always dreaded taking classes that make you write your own framework, because I despite digging into win32 code, but with C# it was...pleasant, even.
Anyway, I think it's a neat little toy, especially when you choose to view the shell and then mess around with the interpolation value. Pretties.
You can grab it here.
Also, stay tuned for an upcoming podcast. Now that Yamen has his own website he can host whatever he wants, so we've decided we're going to do a co-hosted podcast of excellent. I'm sure one of us will make a more informative post whever it's up.Listening to...: chiptunes |
About twenty minutes ago, Jason came tearing down the hallway and into my room, screaming, "Zach, Zach! I just had the best idea ever!"
Now, I'm usually not one to question great ideas, especially when they come from a man as crazy and (in this case) as hungry as TV's Jason Jackson. I decided to throw caution to the wind and submit to the chaos that ensued.
The idea?
And that was that. I'm pretty sure Jason wrote a ballad about our adventure, which he may post here if he feels so inclined. Something about us making the greatest nachos in the world...or a tribute or something.
Also, Saturday was the Northwest Games Festival, sponsored by the Portland chapter of the IGDA (www.nwgamesfestival.com). We drove down to Portland in the morning to listen to Chris Crawford, the founder of the Game Developer's Conference, talk about interactivity in games. And, I kid you not, he sounded <i>exactly</i> like MegaFreshman. No joke. And his ideas were...lackluster, to say the least. I was terribly unimpressed =[
Jason won a drawing for free computer time at a local (and by local, I mean in the Portland area) LAN cafe, so he ended up giving it to someone else. We got free pizza, kicked some ass in Guitar Hero, and watched the Junior game Toblo take first place in the game contest (out of six entries). Jason and I were kicking ourselves the whole day for not bringing Gelatin Joe and Psychosteamion to show off - we probably would've taken second and third places, right after Toblo.
Hope you all enjoyed. I know I did.I feel...: pictures Listening to...: Ghidorah - Toilet Story (1 - 5) |
I've decided to take up lucid dreaming again. I've attempted it a couple times in the past (like many of my failed pursuits), but couldn't quite reach that point where I was remembering enough of my dreams to move on to the next phase. I'm going to start keeping a dream journal, logging whatever I remember during the previous night's sleep. Perhaps it would even be worthwhile to create a secondary el-jay and keep track of it through that.
The night before last I had a series of three very vivid dreams. That's rare for me - usually I don't remember a single thing about the previous night's happenings in Dreamland. I'll probably end up posting a brief recap of them at some point, because I found them to be quite interesting. Of notable interest was Claude Comair, a giant, robot-run, skycraper factory and a pilgrimage to Goa (yes, it's a holy place) with my ex. Trippy.
I can't decide whether or not I want to go to the Goo Goo Dolls concert near the end of June. I don't know a lot of people up here who would want to go, and tickets would run me about $33. It's definitely not worth it to go alone, so I guess it just depends on whether or not I can drag others into joining me.
I was randomly messaged by a female on myspace who, if I may say so, is <i>quite</i> cute and shares a lot of similar interests. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, for fear of things falling through as they have been recently - it seems that things like this are usually too good to be true, as my trusted roommates have pointed out on several occasions.
I'm not even really sure what I want in that regard. Friend, definitely. Girlfriend, perhaps. But not the kind of girlfriend you feel shackled to. The kind of girlfriend you want to do things with. I was conversing with Katie the other day and she told me to describe my ideal girl, and I found it very refreshing to see all of those attributes I was seeking laid out in a legible, quantitative fashion.
There's more to say, but no real way to say it. I hate how that happens.I feel...:  optimistic Listening to...: Under the Influence of Giants - In the Clouds |
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Just thought I'd cross-post the announcement here. It was in the ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) digipen el-jay earlier today, but I know there are several people who read my el-jay who don't frequent the DigiPen community.
I submitted an article to Gamasutra (a well known resource for news/articles/tutorials/interviews/etc in the gamedev community) about our game project this past year. It was a detailed postmortem, describing what went right and what went wrong during our project. They said they were looking for student articles so I thought I may as well give it a shot since DigiPen is under-represented on gamasutra. Apparently it got approved, so, uh...you should all check it out if you have some spare time on your hands.
You can find it here.
May. 23rd, 2006 @ 01:06 am
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| » Because I'm a lj-whore |
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Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours
May. 16th, 2006 @ 11:40 pm
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| » I hate coming up with subjects. They always sound so stupid. |
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My room smells. Of patchouli, jasmine, musk amber, sandalwood, rose and pine. It smells fantastic, though I worry about the strong smell affecting Jason who lives just across the hallway. I think I'll be burning the incense mostly at night so the smell doesn't affect many other people. Of course, it'll have to go at the end of summer when Paul returns, though it's something I'm quite willing to let go and not at all anything I hold against him in the slightest, because the smoke and smell can be irritating to the nostrils of many people.
It's had a very relaxing effect over the past couple of days, and I've found that I'm more addicted to scents that I initially thought. I find I become slightly irritated when my nose is too stuffed up for me to smell properly. Sometimes I wonder if my senses have been augmented slightly to compensate for my shitty eyesight. Sound seems to be especially prevalent.
Speaking of sound, I attended the Mute Math concert on Saturday night. This was the third time I got to catch them in Seattle and they were just as good (possibly better) this time around. Under the Influence of Giants (the best modern 70s-sounding band I've heard yet) and The Listening (decent, but I wouldn't buy their album) were touring with them as well. I still say that Paul Meany and Darren King are the only men I've ever loved.
I tried to identify and categorize the type of music that I enjoy the most, without being so broad as to say "Techno" or "Indie rock". It just sort of hit me all of a sudden one afternoon.
Acoustic and or electric guitar infused with electronica elements such as an analog synthesizer or an electronic drum kit.
It could probably be better worded, but I think that's sufficient enough to explain the gist of it. The dominance of "guitar" versus "synth" elements can go either way. I find both Mute Math, Shpongle and Infected Mushroom to be equally enjoyable, though each has varying degrees of guitar/synthesized melodies.
I've also found myself listening to more world music lately. Amr Diab, for example.
Failing CS250 was sort of a wake-up call this past semester. I didn't really think I was going to fail the class (in fact, I did decent on the final, but not well enough to make up for my abysmal midterm grade) until it was too late. I still don't think that the difference between me and my peers in terms of understanding the material is equivalent to the difference between a D and B, but there's not much that can be done about it now. No regrets. The only thing I can do now is to do it better the second time around. I plan on knowing the entire graphics pipeline inside and out by the time the end of summer rolls around. Ghali will be my bitch. Mark my words.
My goal for the summer is to bring home As in the three courses I'm taking. A daunting task, considering how pathetic my test scores always are. I can't seem to retain the answers in my head for more than about an hour before it all seeps out. Where, I honestly don't know. I feel that if I'm given the material to work with and have access to additional resources I can puzzle my way through it, but then again I guess that doesn't really demonstrate a fundamental understanding of the material, now does it? I'm tired of having to use the excuse of "DigiPen's hella hard and that's why I'm not getting good grades in all of my classes." It's true - I'm pretty sure the DigiPen workload annihilates most other colleges, but that's not really that good of an excuse. I have no girlfriend, no commitments outside of school, so...what exactly is keeping me from getting better grades?
All of the school stuff combined has gotten me kind of down in the dumps lately about my inadequacies as a video game developer. Taking a tour at X-Box headquarters and listening to people like Mikey Wetzel talk about optimizing the GPU on the X-Box 360 is just so...humbling. I know that's not just a position you step into, but I just can't ever see myself being that competent at something so complex. I guess it's something you just find yourself doing after ten years at Microsoft, but still...
I love the house. I wish the distance to the school wasn't quite so great, and I wish that we payed less rent, but it's still better than our previous living accommodations. There's still some unpacking I have to do, which I've been putting off because I'm a lazy ass, but I think I'll be getting around to it sometime this week. As Yamen pointed out the other night, it's finally starting to feel like our new home, rather than some random house we happen to all be sleeping in. Pictures are probably in order - something else I plan on doing this week.
May. 15th, 2006 @ 11:19 pm
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| » Recarrrrrds have arrived! |
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My two shipments of records came in yesterday and the day before. For those wanting to know, the list is as follows:
Hot shit. The observant may notice an emphasis on tracks pertaining to the ocular and angelic (and in the case of one particular track, both). Not a coincidence.
I swear that when this semester's over I'll finally put together a mix.
Apr. 14th, 2006 @ 11:13 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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It's back. It's finally back. I don't know how it happened or when it happened, but it has. I honestly thought I'd lost the drive and that I'd have to start considering selling my turntables to someone (or just passing them off to Will for a price). The thought of that still makes my skin crawl. Yeeeech.
For those who couldn't tell or didn't care, I'd totally lost the will to spend any time in front of the turntables for the past, oh...several months now. But something happened last week that reignited that spark. Maybe the passion first started dying when I hit a particularly bad string of mixes. I couldn't get anything to sound good and I became really depressed about it =X But I threw on some records last week on a whim and it was just like...I don't know, I felt alive again. It didn't sound like total shit this time around.
I purchased records this week. And I don't mean I went down to Platinum and picked up a couple white labels from the discard bin. No, no, no, my friends. I ordered several (and by several, I mean twelve) happy hardcore vinyls for my and Will's mixing pleasure. I'm keeping the whole list a secret to keep Will in suspense (payback for the last time he decided to order vinyls and wouldn't fill me in on the details =P), but rest assured, they are all favorites of most of the Das Boot crew and are guaranteed to get everybody's feet moving. I already have a couple mixes planned out that I'm going to start working on when the school workload dies down a bit (for reals this time).
It feels good to have that motivation again.
Jackie.
It's taken me a very long time to realize how much I actually care about her, and I've done a lot of stupid stuff along the way before finally being able to admit it to myself. I would go so far as to say that these feelings come very close to embodying the "L-word". But then again, I've always found that particular word to be more closely associated with a commitment of sorts, rather than just a feeling. I'm still trying to think things through in my head and to consider all the possible ramifications. I'm really looking forward to seeing her over the summer and getting to spend time hanging out with her. The thought of having her around just puts this stupid-ass grin on my face. *sigh*
Apr. 4th, 2006 @ 02:08 am
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| » V for Vendetta |
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I'm still trying to get over the effects of the movie we just saw. Several of the Das Booters went to go watch V for Vendetta, which I've been privately drooling over for the past few months, trying not to get too hyped up about it. I just...I don't know that I can find words to describe how awesome that movie was.
I feel, however, that I may have a certain bias due to the similarities between Natalie Portman with a shaved head and Jackie. My jaw dropped when they took off Portman's hair, because she looked almost identical to Jacqueline after she shaved her head. The resemblance is uncanny - I couldn't find a good shot of Portman from the movie minus the curly locks, but here's a picture of Jackie for those who have already seen the movie. The new and improved Evey and Jackie even dress similarly...freaky.
Anyway, real-life coincidences aside, the movie was amazing. The Wachowski brothers never fail to deliver (last two Matrices aside), and now I'm really interested in reading the graphic novel(s) that the movie was based off of.
This movie comes highly recommended - it's easily climbed its way into my top three after the first viewing. I'll be going to see it again sometime this week with Yamen (and hopefully Will).
Mar. 21st, 2006 @ 02:55 am
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| » Before it fades |
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It was one of those dreams, all bits and pieces with a sepia filter that you remember so vividly until you wake up, and then it all falls apart. But this one was different. This one lingered, and I'm surprised I've managed to keep a hold on it long enough to write about it.
A deserted planet. Almost deserted, at least. Empty until we arrived. We came by ship, a load of us, to populate and colonize and eventually return. The crew's names and faces were known to me at some point, but not anymore. Familiarity to the point of supersaturation, I guess. You just can't cope with being around the same people for so long and so you make yourself forget them, even though you act with them on a daily basis. Weird? Yeah, a little bit.
Some of us set up camp in a quiet forest with a stream running through it. Calgon, I think they called it. It's at this point where pieces of the dream start to overlap. I get brief flashes of a building sporting a clean cut lawn and an empty parking lot, with me and some unknown passenger driving around in a motorized cart. But there shouldn't be anything like that on an empty alien landscape, should there? That's what's unnerving.
Back to the camp. I remember distinct trails, traveling routes along (and in) the stream running by. Huts arranged in a very non-linear, seemingly random fashion, filled with the colonists that arrived with me. The details are faint and still fading, but the biggest impression still remains.
She was unassuming. I overlooked her the first time, and I'm not sure how. At the same time, she was captivating, once I took the time to look. Everything about her screamed life. That's the only way to describe it. She was so completely, undeniable, absolutely alive that it made my head hurt. At the same time, she somehow managed to see some redeeming value in me. Something that sustained this incredible connection. And that was humbling beyond belief.
Not enough time was spent with her, and too much time was spent in uncertainty or in other, less important parts of the dream (note: at this point, my air mattress was deflating, and I was constantly rolling around trying to find a comfortable position, damn it).
Mar. 20th, 2006 @ 08:33 pm
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| » Funky Bookas |
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I recently realized I still have no idea where I want to work when I graduate. Sure, there are plenty of dev studios in the immediate area, and I've already fallen in love with Seattle. I could easily see myself living up here for a while, working at wherever I can land a job.
I never thought I'd say this, but the idea of working at Microsoft doesn't quite churn my stomach as much as it used to. I mean, I'm all about the open source movement, freely distributable code, yada yada yada. But over the past few months, I've been fortunate enough to be instructed by and work under a few employees from Microsoft Game Studios. And I'm really, really fucking impressed.
- Bruce Dawson spends his days optimizing code at the processor level for consoles such as the Xbox 360. I'm not ashamed to admit that that turns me on. His inner loops are always so crisp and tight, and each line of code is almost flawlessly executed, often times cutting his time spent in a function to a quarter of what it would take me. It's ridiculous. Plus, his presentation was superb - he's a genuinely funny guy, one of the few at DigiPen.
- Ian Lewis does a lot of work in signal processing. I haven't yet figured out what exactly he does besides that but he, like Dawson, really knows his code. And he cracks me up - he has one of the most sarcastic, biting attitudes I've ever seen in a teacher, and I think it's hysterical, especially when he's provoked by the students and turns on them. He recently took over teaching our CS280 (Networking for Games) class, and I've learned more in the past two lectures than in the previous half of the semester.
- Johnathan Haas (sp?) is the co-instructor for CS280, and I'm quite blown away by his knowledge of computer networking. He's a little less accessible than Dawson or Lewis, in that his lectures don't pack quite the punch. I'd attribute that to jitters, as he doesn't really look like someone who's spent a lot of time doing public speaking - still, he's brilliant in his own way, and I look forward to further lectures where he gets to take the lead.
- Aaron Nicholls works on the publisher side of Microsoft, though he's more of a half-breed. I envy this man's job - he basically works as a middle man between the publisher and the developer. If a studio is having problems with the Xbox devkit, Aaron gets sent over to help debug and get them on track. He gets to work on something like five or six different projects a year, traveling all over the place to work with individual developers who need his help. I had the chance to pick his brain for a little while after a guest lecture he gave at the school, but I hear he's coming in to lecture for our CS280 class at some point in the future, and I'm eagerly anticipating that class.
The point is, all of the guys from Microsoft that we've had come teach at the school have really impressed me. It makes me think that as much as Microsoft might be the devil because of the monopoly they hold on the computer software industry, they wouldn't be a bad developer/publisher to work for. Just something to keep in mind.
Anyway, back to my original point... I realized I needed a goal, something to strive towards. For example, my good friend Joseph is intent on working for Blizzard. I adore Blizzard as well, but to be honest, I think he's more suited for such a company than I. The only game of theirs I can really claim to have invested much time in was World of Warcraft, whereas Joe used to play Starcraft obsessively. I certainly wouldn't mind working for them, but they're not quite the...how do I say this...the ideal Zachish developer.
I've thought a lot about developers that have influenced my taste in games. Sadly, a lot of my favorite studios have all but vanished, disappearing with the advent of 3D graphics and hardware acceleration for video cards. Sierra is no longer the loveable graphical adventurer developer they used to be. They released a slew of incredibly entertaining, immersive games that blew my mind and kept me coming back for more. The King's Quest series, the Quest for Glory series, EcoQuest 1 & 2, The Castle/Island of Dr. Brain and the Incredible Machine, to name a few. Westwood studios was a close second, with the fabled Kyrandia series - unfortunately, they're now solely developing their Command & Conquer line of real time strategy games which, while a lot of fun to play, isn't where my passion lies.
It's impractical to fantasize about those 'ancient' studios ever wanting to return to the roots and revive the long lost age of graphical adventure games. So I decided to set my sights a bit further down the electronic entertainment timeline.
My first console was a Nintendo 64, so I missed out on the days of the NES and SNES. If I recall correctly, the first game I purchased for said system was Super Smash Bros., followed promptly by the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Both games, while fantastic, were unfortunately not made by an English-speaking development team. As cool as it would be to learn Japanese and obtain a job over there, I just don't ever see that happening. Nintendo, Squaresoft and all the other primarily Japense developers are pretty much out of the question for the time being. There is, of course, still Nintendo Software Technology, the American branch that develops a couple titles stateside. As an added bonus, they're literally right next door to DigiPen.
I made up a list a while ago (I'd dig up the post, but I'm too lazy - if you're that interested, I'm sure you can find it in my archives) of all of my favorite games over the past ten years. I recently expanded that list, adding a few more titles I'd forgotten about. What I realized, after looking over them (and paring the Japanese/extinct developers), was that there were several titles that stand out from the others...observe:
- Banjo-Kazooie
- Banjo-Tooie
- Donkey Kong Country
- Donkey Kong Country 2
- Donkey Kong Country 3
- Goldeneye 007
- Perfect Dark
- Killer Instinct
- Diddy Kong Racing
- Jet Force Gemini
- Conker's Bad Fur Day
- Star Fox Adventures (not as good as the SNES original, but still quite enjoyable, in my opinion)
Now, anyone who knows anything about the golden age of console gaming (1994-2000 - exaggerated by the author) should pick up on the pattern fairly quickly. What do all these titles have in common? Uh...Rare, maybe? All of these titles were made by one incredibly talented and devoted developer: Rare(ware), located in Manor Park, UK (which is just down the way from Twycross, a twenty minute drive northeast of Burmingham).
Some may say that the quality of Rare's games (and quantity, while we're at it) has gone down the shitter over the past few years. Unfortunately, there is some validity to that statement. I haven't seen them put out a title that matches up to the caliber of Banjo-Kazooie or Donkey Kong Country, but expecting an evolved company to produce a consistent style of games over the years is unrealistic. People changes, games change, and dev studios follow suit. They're still a company I'd love to work for, and not just for nostalgia's sake. Most of the talented programmers/designers who worked on the earlier Rare games are still around, and I would kill someone for a chance to sit down and pick apart their brains for days on end.
They're currently 'numero uno' on my list of targeted developers. I don't plan on heading straight there after I graduate - that's wishful thinking. But it feels good to have some goal in sight, some prize on which I can focus. Or perhaps my lofty aspirations are being set too high.
~Z
Mar. 13th, 2006 @ 11:29 pm
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| » Nights like these |
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The smell of rain is intoxicating.
Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 07:08 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Every so often, that time rolls around again. That time where I'm obligated to make a livejournal post about what's on my mind. Even if I don't feel like it.
Lately it seems like there's not really any point in making observations. It's all been done before, hasn't it? I haven't yet been in a situation that someone else hasn't experienced before me. So while my experiences may be valid for myself and the way I perceive things, how is that supposed to affect anyone else? It's not a completely pessimistic point of view, it's just...I don't know, what's the word...realistic?
There's nothing new under the sun.
With that out of the way, I still think it's worth pointing out the highlights of the past month or so.
- Animal Crackers - We had the first Costco run of the semester a couple weeks back. The smartest choice I've ever made was buying this. There are few things in life so gratifying as seeing the bottom of a 5lb barrel of animal crackers.
- Mute Math / Vedera - I didn't think it was possible, but Mute Math rocked my socks off harder than when they were last in town. Vedera was also amazing - enough for me to pick up their CD. As I mentioned previously in Yamen's post, I totally helped crowdsurf Paul Meany.
- Apple Juice - To compliment the big barrel of animal crackers I picked up, I had to grab two gigantic containers of apple juice. The second smartest choice I've ever made. Joe and I still need to go pick up the apple juice cartons so we can be in 4th grade again. Except...I don't think 4th graders could have Mead as a teacher.
- Early breakfasts - The past few mornings I've been getting up early (and by early I mean around 8 in the eh-em) to have a breakfast sandwich at A Deli Too with Joe/Barril/Paul/Yamen. This morning Joe and I worked out for a while and it felt really good. I need to make a point of doing that more often.
- GameDev like whoah - I'm still surprised at how much I've submersed myself in school this semester. It's come so naturally for some reason. Granted, I have the occasional slip-up where I fall behind in assignments (see Ghali's triangle rasterizer/camera of DOOM!, due Monday), but things have been progressing smoothly and I'm optimistic about how my transcript will look at the end of this year.
- Summer classes - I'm registered for one (soon to be two) summer course(s). I'm trying to work out a schedule that won't conflict with a possible internship at Amaze and that will also leave me some free time to code.
- Coding Projects - Since this semester started I've had a sudden influx of ideas for coding projects. Granted, I won't have time to start any of them until the summer, but I've still been devoting some time to thinking about them. A ray caster; further development of our game project, Psychosteamion; a 3D particle engine; visualizations created by analyzing waveform data; and (the most ambitious of them all) a voxel engine. Some of those are directly applicable to our game project for next year, and some are just for fun. Obviously, things like the ray caster I'd have to figure out before attempting the voxel engine, so it's looking more and more like a multiple-year project, especially since I'm going to be teaming up with TV's own Jason Jackson.
- Muffin Day / Waffle Night - I had the brilliant idea of combining Muffins and Waffles into one (Muffles!). Until Joe pointed out that it couldn't be done. So instead we made Muffle Day, which is where we make muffins during the day, and waffles during the night. It's sheer brilliance, and it all can be found here. As you can see, I had quite the time.
- Shopping Carts - I've, uh...been on a shopping cart spree lately. I can't seem to steal enough of them. Right now, we have no less than three shopping carts sitting on our porch, courtesy of moi. The guys have convinced me to take them back when I have the time, though I believe we're going to keep one so we can spray paint it gold. Pictures to follow. I fear that if this obsession continues, this may be my ultimate demise.
- Friends visiting - Both Josh and Jackie were supposed to be coming up for spring break, but due to monetary complications and stupid school scheduling issues, they're making plans (separately) to come up and visit over the summer. Jennifer and Joanna (did I ever mention how every single one of my closest friends has a name that starts with the letter 'J'?) are jumping on the bandwagon as well, making no less than four friends who will be trekking up here to stay for a week or two. Excitement! *squee*
- Life is good - Every day I'm reminded how happy I am. Genuinely, content with life, happy. I'm still trying to figure out where exactly this stems from...I'm fairly certain that school has a lot to do with it, as do my friends. Sometimes I wonder if I flunked out of DigiPen and all my friends deserted me, whether or not I'd be happy. I think I'd find a way. So long as there are animal crackers and apple juice, I'll keep on truckin'.
~Z
Feb. 25th, 2006 @ 01:08 am
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| » Yamen wrote this subject for me |
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The first week of classes has been relatively lax. Calm before the storm, and all that jazz. I've found I've been pouring most of my time into gamedev related stuff, rather than focusing on homework. Probably not the best of ideas, but I feel that our homework load is light enough that I can afford to do this for a while. I'm anxious to see how our game turns out - I still feel that we're way behind schedule, but I'm still optimistic about us placing in the GDC next year.
These next few months look promising. Mute Math will be here on the 3rd of February, and I'm totally prepared to have my face rocked off. A couple weeks after that, Abby's coming up to Seattle. Granted, I'm nowhere near as excited to see her as Mike is, but I'm looking forward to hanging out with the lovebirds at some point, since I had so much fun with them over winter break.
Towards the end of Christmas vacation, Jacqueline and I made plans to hang out over her spring break. She gets hers a week before DigiPen lets out (damn GDC), so she'll have to put up with me being in class part of the time. Still, I promised her she could come visit me in Seattle some time, and now seems like a perfect time to make good on that. If all goes well, she'll be flying down on March 13th and staying til the end of the week. It'll be good to see her again.
I ♥ my editor. I've been using Borland C++ Builder to throw together an animation/collision editor for our game. It's a nice change of pace, developing a multi-purpose tool as opposed to working on the main game loop. It's one of those projects that I can get lost in and spend hours working on...dangerous, especially for this semester.
I spent most of my winter break thinking. Not about anything in particular, really. Just...thinking. Letting my mind wander, trying to figure things out, realizing I can't, and coming to terms with it. I discovered I have a subconscious addiction to shuffling cards. I must've shuffled a deck of cards several hundred times during my trip to New York. It's just so easy to pick up a deck of cards, shuffle it thirty or forty times, and turn your attention to something else.
I still feel bad about having constantly been in Mike and Abby's hair. On second thought, I'll probably be keeping my distance from them when Abby comes up, so they can have that alone time I intruded on.
And at this point, I've downed a Pumpkin Ale. It's quite late, and I'm finding it hard to focus on what I was writing before. Hopefully this will sate those update-crazed people *cough*jennifer*cough*.
Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 12:57 am
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| » Mute Math Motherfuckers! Magnificent... |
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Oh, yes...they're back. And this time they're headlining, instead of opening for Mae.
Mute Math is doing their official tour, kicking off the release of their debut album - they'll be in Seattle on February 3rd at the Crocodile Cafe. $10 to get in, and they'll be selling copies of their album at the show. Anyone who wants in, let me know.
Dec. 29th, 2005 @ 01:07 am
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| » I'd go over twelve percent for that |
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That's it...we're so making it. An instructional pamphlet, distributed freely throughout the world, made mandatory reading for everyone. If you can't read, it'll be read to you.
How To Live An Easy Life by Jen and Zach
It'll be great. Just watch. Like we watched Reservoir Dogs tonight. God, that movie is good. Every movie needs to be like that - everyone should die at the end. Also, in that movie, the word fuck is used 252 times.
Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 02:09 am
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| » The Inevitable |
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I feel like the world's biggest idiot.
It's surprising how much that sums up. I almost just posted that one line.
There's a lot of emotions swimming through my head right now, and I'm finding it difficult to focus on one for any extended period of time - long enough to dwell on it for a short while, only to have it elude my grasp a few moments before it feels like I've obtained closure.
I'm pissed off. Pissed at having seen all the signs but ignoring them. At having realized what was going on but refusing to believe it could really be true. At having to bring myself across the country to hear something that I could have been told over the phone. At her.
I'm grieving. Grieving over the fact that there were so many unfulfilled promises, on both ends. Over the fact that the potential that was there, all the would-be's and could-have-been's, will never come to life. Over the fact that there's nothing I can do to change someone's mind, to make them see things the same way I do. Over her.
I'm confused. Confused by how things got off track. By how one expects to experience a fulfilling relationship without some form of sacrifice and hardship. By how easy it was for me to honestly say that I had no problems with commitment. By her.
But what keeps bubbling to the surface and continues to overwhelm these emotions whenever they start to consume me is something that still takes me by surprise. Love.
I still want to take her in my arms and hold her and tell her everything's going to be ok because we're awesome like that. To tell her that I've never met anyone quite like her and that the odds of me meeting someone just as special are slime to none. To tell her that the distance doesn't matter, that it's something that can be overcome. But I can't. It's no longer my place.
I want to turn to her and bury my head against her stomach and cry for days because it'll feel good to let it all out. But I can't. How is it fair that the one person I want to cry with is the one person that I'd be crying over?
I was surprised how easy it was to let go of Jackie. Much of what we had was physical to begin with, and I understood perfectly (despite how much I didn't want to admit she was right) when she told me that a long-distance relationship just wouldn't work. I'm equally surprised (although, I shouldn't be) at how difficult it is to even contemplate 'letting go' of Brittany. With Jackie I just nodded and told her it would probably be for the best. With Brittany I want to yell at her about how she already is the best.
I feel desolate. Mike and Abby have done a great job at making me feel loved during my stay here, but it's not quite the same as being around people you've known for years.
I came here with the expectation that I'd be seeing someone who would make me feel like I belonged with her. There's no one in Seattle, but several of my friends from Tulsa will be there for the rest of Christmas break. I'm not even sure if being around people is what I need right now. I know that if I stay in New York for the rest of Christmas break, I'm not going to get better. I'll always be waiting, constantly hoping that maybe she'll change her mind and that things can go back to being the way they used to.
I can't believe I made that same mistake twice.
~Z
Dec. 21st, 2005 @ 03:46 am
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| » With your feet in the air and your head on the ground |
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I'm having a hard time going to bed. I have been since Saturday.
I've also had problems eating. Not the mild "Oh-I'm-not-really-hungry-right-now". More like the "I-know-my-stomach-is-empty-and-I-should-be-shoveling-food-into-it-right-now-but-I-can't-bring-myself-too".
I feel very broken - very not myself. But I can't do anything about it. I realized recently how impatient I can get when there's something I'm waiting to hear, be it good news or bad.
I passed all of my classes. One C, one A and four Bs. I could have done a lot worse, but somehow I managed to pass every class with decent grades. Let's hope semester four goes as smoothly.
Dec. 20th, 2005 @ 01:03 am
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